When people say Second Life is “just a game” and people shouldn’t take it so seriously, they are usually implying that it is ridiculous to experience real emotions (positive or negative) over something that happens to their avatar in-world. If anyone can keep a distance and a distinction between themselves and their online presence, that’s fantastic. Good for them. However, it is easy to see why people experience real emotional consequences from things that happen in a virtual environment. Our avatars represent ourselves; not literally, but in a way that we connect with them. We associate ourselves with our avatars. We invest our time, money, and attention in our virtual presence. And the other avatars we encounter in Second Life are not Artificially-Intelligent programs, but other people who have made similar investments in their online selves.
Despite how obvious it should be that it is normal to feel affected by things that happen in Second Life, I was still shocked and surprised at my real emotional response during a session of roleplay in the Seven Isles. The character I play is not very far removed from my actual personality, but there is enough of a distinction that I consider Cherno to be a separate entity from Chernobyl Rasmuson (and therefore from my real-world self). Despite Cherno being, in my mind, a distinct character separate from myself and with a backstory that is not based on real events in my past, somehow I still found myself in tears during a particular roleplay session.
A little character information before I post the dialogue: the father of Cherno’s daughters was a faun named Mathias (they were not married, but “mated” or seriously committed without ceremony). He was fatally struck by an arrow as the family was crossing a wide open field, when the girls were still very young. As soon as the arrow felled Mathias, Cherno scooped up the children and fled quickly, to keep them out of harm’s way. Even though it was perhaps the right course of action, it has nevertheless haunted Cherno that she did not stay by her mate’s side in his last moments. Since his death, she made frequent attempts to travel to the spirit world (using hallucinogens and psychedelic/psychotropic substances) to find Mathias, express her regret for leaving him to die, and receive some kind of forgiveness or closure. However, Cherno was never successful in finding his spirit, in dreams nor in hallucinations. And then one day, a human shaman washed up on the shores of the Seven Isles. He spoke with Korinna and Cherno in the graveyard.
Enigma: korrina? – speaks her name with half-closed eyes
Enigma: I sense that you are one who journeys behind the veil is this not so?
Enigma: do you walk between the worlds as well?
Enigma holds her gaze.
Korinna: Well, I used to do something like it. Sort of.
Enigma smiles brightly and listens intently – please tell me more?
Cherno Hazelnut smiles almost mischievously.
Korinna: I was a member in a retinue of revelers, in honour of the God of Wine, Ecstatic dance, Drumming, Dance, and drink were a way of life.
Enigma listens and nods with understanding
Korinna: It was…. a journey. Very colourful steps on a path that would eventually lead me back home. They are experiences that are hard to put into words.
Cherno Hazelnut has refilled the basket with mushrooms she gathered from around her.
Enigma: I have known others who follow that path, though my entry is much more reserved…
Enigma: yes it is not easy to explain
Enigma: but it is possible to open the path to others if they are willing
Cherno Hazelnut fidgets uncomfortably.
Korinna nods and smiles cheerfully but softly. “I had a friend I looked up to, who helped me find a balance.”
Enigma: ah balance is the ultimate goal in all things
Enigma notices cherno’s discomfort – are you well Cherno? looks to the mushrooms?
Cherno Hazelnut shifts her mouth to one side. “I’m… not ill. Just…”
Cherno Hazelnut: Making a difficult decision.
Korinna watches her sister’s face very closely.
Enigma smiles quietly and looks to the ground.
Cherno Hazelnut averts her face in embarrassment and shyness.
Enigma: often times I find it best to simply jump in to a decision Cherno – like when you need a bath and you know the water is cold – it’s best to jump in and then rest as your body catches up.
Cherno Hazelnut gulps.
Korinna hugs both knees and wiggles her toes, in observation.
Cherno Hazelnut: I suppose you’re right. I already know what I ought to do. I’m putting it off, disguising it as a decision, when there is nothing to decide!
Cherno Hazelnut feels a knot forming in her throat.
Enigma listens quietly
Cherno Hazelnut takes a deep breath, and doesn’t realise she is gripping the grass at her side as she comes out and says it.
Cherno Hazelnut: I need to …I need to know how to …
Cherno Hazelnut blushes in frustration.
Cherno Hazelnut: I have a message I need to communicate to one who is deceased.
Enigma listens quietly with a soft smile playing across his face.
Korinna closes her eyes softly.
Cherno Hazelnut gulps repeatedly as she bravely swallows tears.
Enigma nods almost imperceptably and looks to his new friend.
Cherno Hazelnut furrows her brow as she tries to keep herself together, completely red in the face.
Korinna reaches over and puts her hand on her sister’s hoof, in a gesture of support.
Cherno Hazelnut tries to smile at Korinna, but her lips are all twisted.
Korinna: Knowing just how hard and profound this moment is for her sister, she can not resist a few tears for her, but also smiles.
Enigma: who would you contact Cherno?
Enigma: is it a beloved one you seek to speak to?
Cherno Hazelnut gulps as the tears flood her eyes.
Cherno Hazelnut: Yes, my mate…
Enigma sees the tears of the sisters and listens quietly
Cherno Hazelnut’s voice quivers weakly.
Cherno Hazelnut: My mate Mathias, father of my children.
Enigma: ah I see and how long ago was your mate’s passing?
Cherno Hazelnut thinks back, but counting years for a satyr is like counting months for a human.
Enigma looks around this peaceful land and back to Cherno.
Cherno Hazelnut: Long ago, and I don’t think… I don’t know how …he can be reached. I’ve tried…
Cherno Hazelnut: Oh the things I’ve smoked! The fungus I’ve eaten! The frogs I’ve licked!
Cherno Hazelnut manages to chuckle sadly.
Enigma: what manner of death did he experience Cherno? did he grow old? or was his demise from an accident or violence?
Enigma: was it illness that took him?
Cherno Hazelnut manages to keep herself pretty well together as she recounts his death. It was a long time ago, so she has had plenty of time to grieve and cope.
Cherno Hazelnut: He… was… I don’t know why, but, an arrow felled him.
Enigma listens carefully holding Cherno’s gaze when she looks up…
Cherno Hazelnut: We were crossing a field. Our oldest daughter was able to walk, our youngest was an infant.
Enigma: an arrow? was it an accident? or was he purposely taken?
Cherno Hazelnut: That I don’t know.
Cherno Hazelnut: I’m not sure if he was mistaken for game? Or, if it was random malice? I don’t know.
Enigma: I see
Enigma: and you have tried many ways to enter the city of dust through the use of natural fungus and other means?
Cherno Hazelnut: Yes I have, but I suppose I’ve done it wrong, because I’ve never managed to meet him beyond the veil.
Cherno Hazelnut breathes irregularly as she tries not to sob. “I just wanted… to say to him… I’m sorry I ran.”
Enigma: you ran when he was felled?
Cherno Hazelnut: I ran, yes.
Enigma: to protect your offspring?
Cherno Hazelnut: Yes, maternal instinct is a powerful thing. But…
Cherno Hazelnut: I regret not staying with him…
Korinna buries her face in her hands to prevent a sob better saved for privacy, later.
Cherno Hazelnut bites her lip and tears run down her cheeks.
Enigma: but you could not and surely he would not have had you endanger your offspring.
Cherno Hazelnut: I should have stayed with him as he lay dying.
Cherno Hazelnut whimpers.
Enigma: Cherno? I have a few questions if you are willing and then after a time of meditation I may be able to assist you
Enigma: may I ask my questions?
Cherno Hazelnut softly whispers, “Yes, yes you may.”
Enigma: I do not act on anyones behalf without permission ever… it is a sacred law that I never disobey.
Cherno Hazelnut nods, acknowledging that it is a good rule to obey, though she is too choked up actually to express that sentiment.
Enigma: aside from entry to the cities of dust to speak to the dead… Are you familare with purposefull journeying beyound the veil?
Cherno Hazelnut: I know it can be done. I don’t know how to do it myself.
Enigma: nods I see.
Enigma: are you able to or have you directed your dreams?
Cherno Hazelnut: Unfortunately no, I have not directed my dreams.
Enigma: Have you ever attempted such journeys but simply failed to find the way to open the veil and pass through?
Enigma: so that your intent was to do so, but your knowledge lacking?
Cherno Hazelnut: As much as I can tell, I did manage to pass through the veil, but once on the other side I didn’t know where to go or how to conduct myself.
Enigma: nods and in your passing through can you briefly describe how you did that? were you using mushrooms, looks to the basket.. or the sweat of frogs, looks over his shouldert toward the river and back to Cherno.
Enigma: or some other means outside yourself to open the doorway?
Cherno Hazelnut: The first time was accidental. I was a child, foraging. I ate the wrong mushrooms. I was not ill, but… yes, it opened a doorway.
Enigma: nods and other times? you said the first time?
Enigma: how did you enter in subsequent journeys?
Cherno Hazelnut: The same mushrooms. Then also some herbs, burned and inhaled. I licked a frog once, but I never did that again.
Korinna whispers “probably on a bet, anyway.”
Enigma: chuckles licking the wrong frog can be unpleasent.
Cherno Hazelnut chuckles. “You are both right!”
Cherno Hazelnut sighs and shudders as it feels good to get all of this off her chest.
Enigma looks to the sun seeing darkness would soon be upon them.
Cherno Hazelnut: I mix some mushrooms and herbs into wine and keep it for my own personal use.
Enigma: Cherno? If you will allow it, i will go into the woods and consider your words and your desire to speak with your beloved – Mattias is his name?
Cherno Hazelnut nods to Enigma.
Enigma: then if you are willing perhaps soon we can meet again and I wil try to assist you
Cherno Hazelnut: I know this is what I must do. I think… you came here for a reason.
Enigma: you may bring your sister and others if you wish – as long as they understand that any who come will also be instructed as to how they may assist from the circle outside the fire.
Cherno Hazelnut looks at Korinna.
Enigma: Is fire at all a problem to you cherno? you are not required to handle it but it is a part of one ritual that should open the door yuou seek straight away.
Cherno Hazelnut: I have no difficulties with fire. I have been burnt many times, it is not so bad.
Enigma: smiles you will not be burned by this ritual
Cherno Hazelnut: Even so, I’m not afraid.
Enigma: and I am certain we can open the door – then it will be up to you and your mate…
Enigma: but allow me to journey ahead
Enigma: to consider this work and to prepare as I need – I … shrugs his shoulder confirming the loss of his pack
Enigma: I will need to make a tool that will help us in your quest.
Cherno Hazelnut: Absolutely.
Cherno Hazelnut: Take all the time you need. I… am not really in any big hurry. I have been coping with this for so long. Another day or several is nothing!
Enigma rises slowly, not as one in pain, but as one whose age is impossible to discern and with the grace of practiced movement.
Enigma: then i will go and begin my preparations
Cherno Hazelnut: Thank you, Enigma.
Enigma: I will make a place for myself and my meditaions in the woods near here.
Enigma: Blessed Be to you both.
Cherno Hazelnut: Blessed be.
I was in tears as I typed this interaction, which highly surprised me, because this element of Cherno’s past is purely fictional. It is in no way based upon anything that I actually experienced in my real life. What happened may have been due, in part, to my connection with Cherno. But it may have also been simply the way I roleplay. In order to decide what my character does next, I vividly imagine being in the situation. Then I translate my reaction into text. Before I write it, I feel it first.
It was an *awesome* Role-play session, and with such a well thought out character as yours, It would take a truly hardened heart *not* to be moved to tears. I am especially glad that no one IMed Chernobyl, or walked in and cracked off a purring gesture, or something. The moment was perfect. And I wonder, if there were not those sorts of interactions and distractions if intense emotional responses would be more common.
But yes, I was proud to be a part of it. It was such a HUGE thing for Cherno’s character. Such a big moment.
*sisterhugs!* I am so glad you were there during this key moment in Cherno’s life. You’re absolutely right, the moment was perfect. Hopefully not just a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence!
As much as I feel uncomfortable with hogging the limelight with my character’s emo moment, I need to remember that this was such a HUGE moment for Cherno that I’m permitted to go a little Prima Donna. Ha!
There is *nothing* prima donna about exploring the depth of your character. I think people who can see more dimentions to their character than their stats, race and occupation/class are good role-players. Character development makes good characters.
The fact that Cherno is taking the steps to do what she needs to do to close a chapter in her life shows growth and development. Surely, all Characters need their hang ups and fears, and buisness undone, but hanging on and not moving forward creates stagnancy, and I would think boredom as well.
Also, it’s your blog! hehe
*sisterglomps*
“When people say Second Life is “just a game” and people shouldn’t take it so seriously, they are usually implying that it is ridiculous to experience real emotions (positive or negative) over something that happens to their avatar in-world.”
Be cautious of reading that intention into the statement of ‘SL is a game’.
I often state, and feel strongly, that it -IS- a game. SL is relaxation time, enjoyment time, fulfillment time, play time, social time.
- For me, that defines ‘game.’
If it was not a game, it would be work.
The notion of ‘game’ has been getting narrowed of late by the video-game generation, inspired by the Dungeons and Dragons generation, who were shaped by the miniatures warfare simulation generation.
- That’s a very male-centric view that a game has clear objectives, competition, defined rules, winners, and losers. To me, that is -not- a very inclusive definition, and leaves out almost any ‘non-patriarchy’ (to use an over-used buzzword…) form of ‘leisure / social engagement’. It basically trivializes feminine-centric ‘game play’ and any ‘non-aggressive’ forms of male-centric game-play.
I don’t think I’m alone here, I think a -LOT- of people who say SL is a game just didn’t grow up playing Dungeons and Dragons…
Allow me to clarify. I did not say that people who define Second Life as a game believe there are no social or emotional consequences of actions within said game. Because I do agree with you that the definition of “game” is broad, and includes Second Life and other social and leisure virtual entertainment. What I did say is that some people will use the phrase “it’s just a game” (the key word here being “just”) in situations where they think a person’s emotional response to events within Second Life are unwarranted. The people who are fond of saying “it’s just a game” are usually the ones who hold a narrow definition of a “game.” Those people have difficulty understanding how a game can influence a person’s moods.
If you continue reading this post, you will see that soon after I wrote the sentence you quoted, I also wrote this:
“However, it is easy to see why people experience real emotional consequences from things that happen in a virtual environment. …We associate ourselves with our avatars. …And the other avatars we encounter in Second Life are not Artificially-Intelligent programs, but other people…”
To summarise, do not misunderstand me as saying “Anyone who thinks Second Life is a game must therefore think it’s ridiculous to react emotionally to in-world events.” Among people who define Second Life as a game, there is a difference between people (such as yourself) who understand that there is a social element to the game, and people who think that every game has no emotional consequences in the real world. If my post was somehow misleading, I apologise that I am not a very good writer, and beg your pardon.